


Sit Back Relapse (Again)

by aintitfun



Series: like a river flows [5]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2272047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintitfun/pseuds/aintitfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cerebral thunder and one way conversations</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sit Back Relapse (Again)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Implied Self Harm/Self Harm (not cutting), Anxiety Attacks. Italicized words are Tyler's inner thoughts.

It was just loud enough for them to hear. “Why is that dude wearing a skirt? That’s so fucking weird.” It was just a short comment made in passing. It was enough to leave an impact. _Fucking weird._  Tyler wandered through the aisles of the grocery store, while Josh and the crew remained in the chip aisle. They hadn’t been to this grocery store before, but all of them were pretty much the same. 

 

Lightbulbs, hammers, duct tape, and box cutters. They were always in the same aisle. They stood in front of the display scanning for just a box of blades. _You can keep it in your bunk. Just think of it as your daily dose of realit_ y. They figured that would be less suspicious than buying a whole box cutter. The crew always had one lying around somewhere. They found it nuzzled between an actual box cutter and a weird tool used to get paint off of the walls. _That’s perfect to hide. You need to be punished daily._ They began to reach for it when they were startled by Josh’s voice. “Hey Tyler! I forgot to ask you what kind of chips you wanted. None of us can really agree, so we’re all getting our own.” 

Tyler wiped their palms on their jeans, suddenly becoming aware of the dampness. “Whatever you get is fine. I’m not really in the mood for chips. I can just share with you if that’s cool?”

 

“Of course.” Josh paused for a moment, noticing Tyler’s nervous energy.”You okay dude?” Josh stood in the middle of the aisle, not wanting to leave Tyler in their current state. 

 

Tyler twirled a finger in their hair. “Yeah. I think I’m just more tired than I thought I was.” Tyler gave a weak smile. “I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit.”

 

Josh nodded. “I’ll see you on the bus.”

 

Tyler remained still until they were sure that Josh was long gone. They grabbed the box of blades with shaky hands. _You deserve this. You’re never going to get “better”. Just do it. No one will notice or care._ They tried to shake the thoughts that came thundering in their head. Tyler went to the candy aisle and grabbed a bag of reese’s, just to hide the box of blades as they went to check out.

————-

Back on the bus, Tyler went to their bunk immediately to stash the box of blades. Once they reached the bunks, they felt a hand grab their bag, before they could hide it. Josh had been hiding in the bunk below Tyler’s. “Ha! I saw you get candy dude. These reese’s are all mine now!”

 

“J-Josh, wait no. G-give it back!” Tyler fumbled for the bag, but Josh held it to his chest and rolled into the bunk further. “P-please just-“ Tyler was cut off by the sound of Josh shaking the box of blades. Josh rolled over and climbed out of the bunk without even glancing at Tyler. “J, please can you just g-give it back to me.” Josh walked past them into the main part of the bus. Tyler went after him, trying their best to retain their composure. _You really fucked it up now._  

 

Josh walked off of the bus without a word to anyone, concealing the box in his hand. He found the nearest trash can and chucked in forcefully. He turned and saw Tyler standing next to the bus clutching the bag of reese’s with glassy eyes. Josh sighed and took a deep breath as he made his way back. _He doesn’t care about you. He just needs you to write your dumb songs so you can keep being a band._  Before he got back on the bus, Tyler shoved him as hard as he could. They stared each other down for a solid 30 seconds, before Tyler lost their resolve and began to cry. _You’re so fucking weak. All you ever do is cry._  Josh wrapped his arms around his friend and rubbed their back. “I thought you were done with that? I thought we talked about this?”

 

 _You’ll never been done. I promise you that._  Tyler shook their head as they clutched onto Josh’s shirt. “It won’t go away. I just want it to stop J. P-please just make it stop.” _Oh, that’s rich. I’m never going to stop. Ever. Not until the day that you die. If it was up to me, that would be today._ Tyler released Josh and began to bash their-self in the head repeatedly. “Make it stop! Make it stop!”

 

Josh grabbed his arms and pushed him against the side of the bus. He used his foot to knock on the door and get the crew’s attention. “Tyler, look at me. I need you to focus on me right now, okay? Look me in the eye.” Tyler wrestled in Josh’s grip and kept his eyes cast on the ground. “TYLER! FOCUS!”

 

Tyler lifted their head and tried to look Josh in the eye. _Everyone knows you’re fucking weird. Do you honestly think he’s okay with all of your shit? He’s going to up and leave and so is everyone else. You’ll be completely alone. Then you’ll be mine, all mine._  Tyler shook his head and mumbled a steady pattern of “no, no, no” as they began to hyperventilate. They closed their eyes and began flapping their hands.

 

“Shit!” Josh knocked on the door harder this time. “Mark! Gibson! Ben! Seriously, somebody come out here!”

 

Mark poked his head out the door. “What in the world are you guys-“ His eyes opened wide as the scene played out in front of him. Josh still had Tyler pinned to the side of the bus as the younger one struggled to maintain their breathing. “I’ll call his mom!” Mark yelled back at the other guys on the bus. “You need to get out there and help Tyler now!”

 

Michael and Ben ran outside and immediately grabbed ahold of Tyler. Ben scooped them up and carried them back onto the bus as they continued to hyperventilate. Josh slumped onto the side of the bus and put his head between his knees. Michael bent down next to him and rubbed his back. “Are you okay? Do you need us to get you anything?”

 

Josh slowly shook his head. “No, no, I’m just… shaken. I’ll be okay. Just make sure you get Tyler some water and a paper bag if we have one. Just to get their breathing back to normal.” Michael nodded as he helped Josh back onto the bus. 

 

—————————————

 

After lying down in the back room and alternating between breathing into a paper bag and sipping water, Tyler’s breathing went back to normal. Josh sat with his arm around them as they talked to their mom on the phone. Their mom had managed to calm them down and convince them to finally see their old psychiatrist the next time they came home.

 

“I’m sorry.” Tyler whispered as Josh ran his fingers through their hair. 

 

“It’s not your fault. I’m well aware of that.” Josh sighed. “I know you don’t like it, but I really think being back on  your meds will help. I just…” Josh moved his hand from Tyler’s head to their waist. He squeezed them tight. “Please just talk to me, okay? I know I won’t understand everything, but I’m here. I mean that.”

 

Tyler nodded into his shoulder as they enjoyed the momentary silence in their head. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I thought about this at work today and I just had to get it down.


End file.
